J.B. Wolf


Hot Balls of Plasma Matter Wars: A Fading Hope

A Star Wars (Episode IV) Parody

Creative Commons License
Hot Balls of Plasma Matter Wars by J.B. Wolf is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-ShareAlike 4.0 International License.

More information about my ideas concerning copyrights can be found on my home page.

(Information about turning this into a film is found below.)


What if Luke Skywalker had an I.Q. that made an amoeba look clever? What if Darth Vader was just marginally more competent than the Stormtroopers working under him? How would the generals on the Death Star react if the Emperor forgot to put on pants one morning? What if the destruction of Alderann was merely an accident? What if the Millennium Falcon was literally falling to pieces? These questions are now answered in Hot Balls of Plasma Matter Wars!

This script is a parody strongly based upon Star Wars, Episode IV.

How is this script different from all the zillions of others?

Intimate knowledge of the original movie is required for full appreciation. Inside, you'll find:


Click here to download the PDF

Current Status

Episode IV is (for all intents and purposes) fully written but needs another set of eyes to correct minor typos and ensure that I didn't accidentally write things like "Han" instead of "Hann" or "Luke" instead of "Fluke". (I'd hate to make Mickey Mouse mad.) Interested in helping? Email me!

Episode V is currently being written. (It may take me a while as I have other projects going on too.) It is my intention to parody all 6 movies. Oh... there are more movies on the way? Well, I guess I have more work cut out for me, then.

What About Turning The Script Into A Film?

You want to turn this into a film? Awesome! I'd love to see that!

If you're looking to not make any money off a production, the copyright I have chosen allows you to do so. A few things to keep in mind:

If you're looking to make money off a production, I'm open to the possibility. Be sure to read my sections on copyright on the home page then contact me.

Version Numbers

You'll notice a version number on the script. It's a way for me to keep track of the different versions out there. It's also a way for you to keep track of the different versions that will be coming. (No, I'm not going to pull a George Lucas.)

Currently, it is less than version 1.0 because I consider the script only 99.9% complete at this time. It needs an editor who can spot the errors that I can no longer see. At this time, I'm not expecting any drastic changes, but I do need help to clean up the script before I feel comfortable updating the version to 1.0. I'm sure there are errors and typos in version 0.4 because everytime I look over the script, I seem to stumble over another one. Email me if you're interested in helping.

Version 0.3 (the first public version of this script) can be found here It also went under the name of "Hot Balls of Gaseous Matter Wars". The name was changed to better reflect the actual state of matter found within stars. As a person who enjoys science, it was quite an embarrassment when someone pointed out the mistake to me.

Quotes and Trivia

I'm a thief, but not a liar. I have blatantly stolen quotes and trivia not only from Star Wars but from a host of other places as well. (Most of them science fiction in nature.) Right now, I'll leave that as an exercise for the reader to spot them all.

For better or worse, I feel that I should give credit where credit is due. Unless it's taken from one of the Star Wars movies (duh), I intend to come out with a list of quote credits and a list of Easter eggs at some point in the future. I don't want to be accused of plagiarism.


I'd like to give a number of people a public thank you.

A Note for Mickey Mouse

Dear Disney,

I understand you'll want to continue George Lucas' legacy of Star Wars. As a fan, I'm excited about that.

I'm also very nervous. With all due respect, your reputation precedes you, and I'm worried about being sued. You see, as a fan, I also want to continue the tradition of Star Wars and that includes lampooning the films in a loving, fan-obsessed way.

I firmly believe that I am not infringing on any copyrights, trademarks, or patents that you own. I have tried very hard not to. If you spot something specific that you think doesn't work for some reason, I'd like to talk with you to fix it instead of removing the whole script. I want to work with you, not against you.

I need to tell you up front: I have purposely used several quotes from the original movie -- some of them a few (short) sentences long. How could I not? I know these movies backwards and forwards as would my intended audience. Almost every single quote I took from the original movie was designed to make my audience laugh. I have tried very hard to be respectful, not infringe upon copyright, and to use those quotes judiciously. A lot of quotes are modified for a laugh. Some are in the most absurd spots, while others were put in the same spot as the original movie. I think a reasonable person who reads my script in full would be hard pressed to call anything I've done plagiarism or copyright infringing. I simply wish to acknowledge to you that I have put them in there so you can check them out. You'll probably need a Star Wars fan to find them all.

I recently read a couple of interesting items that I also wish to bring to your attention:

These are quotes from this web article that I read while researching copyrights laws.

I think it is safe to say that if you threaten me with a lawsuit, I'll unhappily remove what I've written. I don't have the finances to fight you. I'll also put up a letter explaining why I've removed my parody.

I'd much prefer to receive a letter with your blessing stating that you like what I've written and wish me well on the next set of episodes that I'm working on. Perhaps we can work out whatever it is that you don't like. Maybe you'll like what I've written so much that you'll want to produce it. (I'd really like to talk to you about that!) No matter your choice, I want to re-emphasize my preference to work with you rather than against you.

I wish you well on your progress with Episode VII (and probably VIII and IX). I can't wait to see them, buy them, and parody them.


J.B. Wolf


The "Hot Balls of Plasma Matter Wars: Episode IV" Section of the Website last updated on July 28, 2014