I don't know anything about script writing and I've never been published. (Those tabloids I created in for my dorm in college
can't possibly count. All those outer space aliens I interviewed currently deny ever meeting me.)
I'm a nerd by profession. Rumor has it that I barely have enough tape on my glasses to keep my pants
from falling down. (Now, that's an image that probably hurts your brain.) If you're going write me telling me
that I didn't format the script juuuuuust perfect, save me the trouble and don't bother. You know my qualifications.
Actually, you can thank my friend N. Palmer for making my script look as good as it does today. My original version was uglier.
(Don't go blaming N. Palmer for any atrocities either. He's a nerd too. Besides, you're the one who wanted to read this mess.)
With that said, I believe it is customary for the writer of a script to bow out when it comes to making a production of a script.
(Maybe I'm wrong. Again, I'll remind you of my qualifications.) Those who have worked with me know that I do things my own way...
even by nerd standards. As such, I'm going to give you some of my ideas that didn't fit in the script itself.
Most of these are suggestions. Whether you take the suggestions or not is entirely up to you. I think it would be fun to see
this script done with variety.
If the script needs to change to fit these ideas (or some of of your own), that's ok. Just don't go over board or I'll deny that's
Candidates are not Republican and they are not Democrat:
I want to emphasize this big time. In my eyes, the Republicans and
Democrats are guilty of the same sins. Every single president (regardless of party affiliation) in the past several decades
have bombed other countries. They have all spent our tax dollars on ludicrous, pork barrel projects. None of them will touch immigration
problems with a ten foot pole. (At least not with anything that remotely makes sense. Everything I've seen insults not only
the illegal immigrants, but legal immigrants and Americans too. We're all being exploited by politicians.) I could go on with
the list, but it would be more fun if you just re-read my script. Both parties are guilty (third party candidates don't sound
much more promising) and we the American people let it get that way. You are personally as much to blame for this mess as I am.
(If you're American, that is.) As such, everyone gets lampooned. (Including non-Americans.)
You need to respect everyone you make fun of -- especially if you don't agree with them. Hold on to this idea very tightly.
If you don't, you'll alienate a large portion of your audience. Instead, make those who you disagree with laugh at themselves.
Make them laugh and they'll love you for insulting them. How much better can life get?
Candidates Could be Identical Twins: Maybe they are only differentiated by the color of their ties, but I would caution
you not to use blue or red. Anything that infers that they are Republican and Democrat would be bad. (Indeed, not being able to
label either candidate as one of the two parties was a huge goal while trying to write this.) The twins could have similar
mannerisms (to emphasize that the two "different" candidates aren't so different), but at the same time they need to be
different enough for the viewers to differentiate them. Zero should be very different and completely unique.
Not White, Not Male: When I wrote this, I visualized all three candidates in my script as white males because
traditionally that's how's it always been for the presidential candidates. There's no reason you have to do the same.
Indeed, the 2008 and 2012 candidates showed ethnic and gender diversity (even if their IQs are all on par with a rutabaga).
I'm not sure what you want to do with the names of the candidates, but I understand if you have to change them. There
is one caution you need to be aware of if you take this suggestion, though. See the next point.
The Risk of Diversifying the Candidates: I don't see a problem if you have all Asian males or all black women or
all transgenders. That's not the problem. The problem is if you mix and match the candidates on stage and the 2016 candidates
happen to match what you pick. Let me give you an example. If you produce this script before the 2016 debates and you record
a black male for Jimmy Reagan and a white woman for Ronald Carter, then what if the 2016 debates yield a black male Republican and
the Democrats push through Hillary Clinton? Without intending to, viewers would immediately see your Jimmy Reagan as Republican
and your Ronald Carter as Hillary. It would ruin the very thing I tried hard to do -- the candidates cannot correspond to
real world candidates. It wouldn't even be your fault, but (in my opinion) the damage would be done. Perhaps you disagree.
Perhaps you think you can pull it off anyway with your choices no matter who the 2016 candidates are. Well then, by all means,
don't let me stop you. Go ahead. Mix and match. I just wanted you to consider this possibility. Maybe you can work
magic in production that I can't in the script. Maybe you have ideas that I don't.
Audience Should Be Diverse: The audience (with the exception of the Mexican and the Canadian) represents the
American public. They should be diverse -- women / men, teens / elders, black / white / Hispanic / Asian -- you get the idea.
I happen to mention the Patriot is female. Don't let me stop you from changing that. We are Americans and this audience
represents all of us! (Sadly.) Feel free to get creative.
Stereotypes: I encouraged you to diversify and now we'll tackle the obvious stereotypes. Sherman is a redneck -- overweight,
missing teeth, white, male. Right? Well, why couldn't he be black? Why couldn't Sherman be a woman? (Would her name
be Shirley?) Why does he need to be missing teeth? What gender and race is the homeless person? Why not Asian-American or
even Irish-American? Sung Kim is about the only character that I see that might need to be "stereotyped". I've purposely
made him an Asian-American. The only reason I chose for him to have an Asian heritage
is because of the epicanthal fold Asians have. Along with Sung's name, I see it as as something Sherman can
lock on to and (erroneously) conclude that Sung Kim is a foreigner. (Something I've seen all too often in a variety of
different forms.) Obviously, I make fun of and dispel the stereotype within a few lines of dialogue. If you have a better idea,
go for it.
Sherman's Daughter: In the script, Sherman briefly thinks about his daughter going down on another woman and finds the
idea entertaining. I do it for the laugh factor. You don't have to put it in. If you do, perhaps Sherman's daughter is there
in the audience with him and he can look at her with "that look" that says "You're disgusting". I'm not sure the
best way to accomplish this joke. All I ask is that if you go with it, don't take it too far. Make it tasteful. If the cops
come knocking on my door, I'm just going to show them the version of the script I wrote (on the Internet) along with this note
and tell them to go knock on your door.
Robin Williams Insanity (and Seriousness): I didn't know him personally, but from what I've seen and read, Robin Williams
was non-stop energy. I tried to pack as much energy into the script as I could, but this could be taken to a whole other level if
an actor (or multiple actors) goes "Robin Williams". If someone could bring a similar intensity of acting and insanity, I
think it would make for a powerful combination in a video.