J.B. Wolf



I don't know anything about script writing and I've never been published. (Those tabloids I created in for my dorm in college can't possibly count. All those outer space aliens I interviewed currently deny ever meeting me.)

I'm a nerd by profession. Rumor has it that I barely have enough tape on my glasses to keep my pants from falling down. (Now, that's an image that probably hurts your brain.) If you're going write me telling me that I didn't format the script juuuuuust perfect, save me the trouble and don't bother. You know my qualifications. Actually, you can thank my friend N. Palmer for making my script look as good as it does today. My original version was uglier. (Don't go blaming N. Palmer for any atrocities either. He's a nerd too. Besides, you're the one who wanted to read this mess.)

With that said, I believe it is customary for the writer of a script to bow out when it comes to making a production of a script. (Maybe I'm wrong. Again, I'll remind you of my qualifications.) Those who have worked with me know that I do things my own way... even by nerd standards. As such, I'm going to give you some of my ideas that didn't fit in the script itself. Most of these are suggestions. Whether you take the suggestions or not is entirely up to you. I think it would be fun to see this script done with variety.

If the script needs to change to fit these ideas (or some of of your own), that's ok. Just don't go over board or I'll deny that's my script.

One Rule

Candidates are not Republican and they are not Democrat: I want to emphasize this big time. In my eyes, the Republicans and Democrats are guilty of the same sins. Every single president (regardless of party affiliation) in the past several decades have bombed other countries. They have all spent our tax dollars on ludicrous, pork barrel projects. None of them will touch immigration problems with a ten foot pole. (At least not with anything that remotely makes sense. Everything I've seen insults not only the illegal immigrants, but legal immigrants and Americans too. We're all being exploited by politicians.) I could go on with the list, but it would be more fun if you just re-read my script. Both parties are guilty (third party candidates don't sound much more promising) and we the American people let it get that way. You are personally as much to blame for this mess as I am. (If you're American, that is.) As such, everyone gets lampooned. (Including non-Americans.)

You need to respect everyone you make fun of -- especially if you don't agree with them. Hold on to this idea very tightly. If you don't, you'll alienate a large portion of your audience. Instead, make those who you disagree with laugh at themselves. Make them laugh and they'll love you for insulting them. How much better can life get?

Some Ideas and Suggestions In No Particular Order